Saturday, July 24, 2010

Everything is out there

Hi. I'm still alive but I barely go online anymore. Well, technically, I do come online but I don't get to spend my internet time on social networking anymore. It's like my life has really been solely focused on going to school then coming home and then back again. Oh well, that's the life of a college junior, I guess. I didn't think I could survive going on with my life without the internet for more than a day as it is how I spend every waking hour of my days when I don't have school but it is possible. When you're busy you simply don't think about these stuff. But I do think of the things I do (like wasting time on Tumblr, ha!) and the people I talk to online and how I miss it. You can tell how much of a web junkie I am from that last statement. Haha.

Since I got so busy with school though, I've been discovering these little details about myself as I interact with people in the real world. (Technically, it's just the real world as in "school world" since I rarely go out as well because of school works. How fun, right?) Some of these things I already knew but lately, as I experience things I end up drawing conclusions about these "facts".

I realized how severe I overthink things. It's like, when you ask me a question, an answer comes into my head but then I think it's not enough and when I come up with the "enough" answer, I scrutinize my grammar first before I can give you an answer. But the process of re-thinking can go on forever. It's like the neurons in my brain talk to each other for a long period of time and they forget to send me the information afterwards so I end up not understanding my own ideas. By the time I do, the asker probably has moved on to another topic/question. And I do this because I'm afraid to be told that I'm wrong. I'm afraid that's one of my biggest weaknesses. That's why I prefer writing than speaking.

It also dawned on me that I'm really not that good of a leader. I mean, I try my best if I'm assigned to be one but it doesn't come natural to me. I'm just good at barking orders. (Haha, not really, of course I ask people nicely and kindly.) I'm more of a team person, that is, when the whole team really participates. If not, I would just be really pissed off.

Isn't it ironic how by going out and exploring you end up finding things about your inner self? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I can't speak for other people but we could really use this better understanding of ourselves because in my opinion, when we know and understand how we function, how we think, how we act and how we respond to things, we end up making wise decisions for ourselves and probably less mistakes as well. And all will be well once we start to take that step of making positive change within ourselves first. Like what Michael Jackson said, "I'm starting with the man in the mirror". :)

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