Long weekend!

It is unbelievably hot here in Manila today. I would go to the mall if only I wasn't too lazy to get out of the house and into the harsh sunlight. But no worries, there are plenty of chances to go out this weekend because it's going to be a long one! There will be no classes on Monday because it's a national holiday (National Heroes' Day).

I think I'm gonna spend this long weekend at home, though. I like it more that way because in the last two weeks, I have been busy with school projects and back-to-back seminars that I kind of miss having some alone time. My friends are going to have a sleepover tonight, actually, but I decided not to come since Saturdays are technically family time for us cause that's when we video chat with my brother and his family who lives in the US.

So, I am off to enjoy the next two full days with my bed, movies and a book. Yes, I'm going to start reading The Lovely Bones. Maybe in a little while, after I watch Taylor Swift's new music video, Mine... :)

I wanna scream at the top of my lungs

I suddenly want to just ramble on and on about silly random things nowadays, I don't know why. And I don't feel like broadcasting these rants over Twitter so thank heavens for my trusty little blog.

Something is going on and I'm not sure what it is or what it means. It's kind of scary and it kind of makes me happy and excited at the same time. But I don't know... I'm really not sure... One thing I'm sure of, though, is I did not make any sense with what I previously typed. Ugh, this is making me crazy... I've got tiny butterflies in the pit of my stomach and I can't help but think back to this morning and smile. :)

P.S. I currently have a mild obsession with John Mayer, hence the title. And I also would really wanna scream as loud as I can.

Sara Bareilles - Hold My Heart

I never meant to be the one to let you down
If anything, I thought I saw myself going first
I didn't know how to stick around
How to see anybody but me be getting hurt
I keep remembering the summer night
And the conversation breaking up the mood
I didn't want to tell you you were right
Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too
Does anybody know
How to hold my heart
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon
I wanna tell you so
Before the sun goes dark
How to hold my heart
'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you

Currently obsessed with this song right now. I'm sure this one would be the only constant thing on my playlist within the week.

Why?

Today is kind of an on/off day for me. What's the other term for that again? Oh, mood swings. I thought I had already moved on from this phase but it seems that I have not. Who ever moves on from getting mood swings anyway?

I hate how I see myself acting towards certain things sometimes. I over think a lot so with that, comes over feeling, if you get what I mean. It comes to the point that I literally slap myself in the face just to jump back to reality. It's frustrating, really. I actually know the problem with myself, I just don't know how to fix it. I am too oversensitive. You see, my temperament comes from my dad and my being emotional is from my mom. I think my mother passed onto me double the size of her heart when she birthed me. Tell me, how can you fix such a thing like that? I know this may sound too dramatic, but it's really such a burden to carry all these emotions and no matter how hard I try to not care or even just care a little bit, I always end up opening my heart widely.

I remember my high school adviser asking me why I carry other people's problems on my shoulders. I didn't have an answer to that, actually, I just do.

That is my dilemma.

Pop Candy

I love it when I can listen to an album without skipping a track. Here are my favorite songs from Katy Perry's new record Teenage Dream:

1. Last Friday Night
2. Firework
3. The One That Got Away
4. Teenage Dream
5. Circle The Drain
6. Hummingbird Heartbeat
7. Not Like The Movies

I know, 7 out of 12 tracks is a lot. It was hard for me not to list all of the songs. Trust me, it took some serious elimination. Anyway, I can't wait to get my hands on the real thing! It comes out August 24th in the US and on the 30th for the rest of the world. :)

Teenage Dream

Last night I caught the clock at 11:11 PM and did you know what I wished for? Good exam grades. The whole of last week was my preliminary examinations and boy, did I suffer through hell. But I'm glad it's all over know! All I have to do is await the results. I am seriously praying that I pass all my exams. Pray for me as well, it would mean a lot. :)

Right now I'm just trying to relax and enjoy my Sunday because we still have some projects to do this upcoming week. In the past few days I have built quite a long movie watchlist and it just seems endless to me so I will try to scratch off a couple films from my list today. I think I'll watch Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Fame, and The Secret Life of Bees.

And before I forget, last night something random came to me: I suddenly wanted to write to my friends via snail mail. I've never actually sent mail through the post office (my mom used to do it when we'd write to my brother abroad) so the thought of doing it excites me somehow. The surprise in their faces when they get the letter is exciting, too. Not that I'll get to see it, but I can imagine their reactions would be something like, "Wow, people still do this?" Haha. I like the thought of receiving physical mail so it will be kind of my way of telling them to write me back in snail mail, too. (This was actually inspired by someone on Tumblr who has a bunch of Disney Pixar post cards and he/she is asking for anyone who would want to be sent a post card.) But I would have to visit the bookstore first for lovely stationaries to write on. I can't wait!

P.S. My new theme is too simple, yes? I can't do anything with it anymore. :( Can anyone point me to the right direction where I can find wonderful blogger themes? Hehe. Thank you!

The Lovely Bones

Nobody notices when we leave. I mean, the moment when we really choose to go. At best you might feel, a whisper or the wave of a whisper, undulating down.

I just saw The Lovely Bones and a dream has solidified in me: I want to be in Susie Salmon's place after she died. I want to see how the world or my world will continue on living without me. I think that's the most curious part of the idea of dying. Of course we wouldn't know how it would go down unless we experience it firsthand. How would the people we love take it when we leave this world? Will we know their reactions? Will they still remember us after a long time?

I think that's why my concrete answer to the question am I afraid of dying is this: I'm not afraid of dying in itself but I'm afraid for the people and the life I will leave behind. Because I don't know what's going to happen afterwards. It's just nothingness right now. Pure uncertainty and nothingness.

And another thing, just like how Susie was able to see the "lovely bones" that had grown after she was gone, I would be a really happy soul if I would be sure that all the people I love would be okay, or better than okay, even when I'm gone.

Alright, alright, enough of that. Let me talk about the movie itself. I loved it, and maybe it's because I haven't read the book yet because from the comments I have read the movie is shit compared to the book. So now, my goal is to grab a copy of the book and sink my teeth into it. So, yeah, I think if you look at it as just a film and not compare it with the book, it's really a good film. It has a solid plot all throughout and it was just intense in some parts, which I really enjoyed. And can I just say that the girl who played Susie, her name is Saoirse Ronan, is soooo pretty. "You are beautiful, Susie Salmon," Ray Singh said. Yeah, I agree! Plus, she's really, really talented as well.

What goes around comes around

Let me recap what has been a rather emotional day:

• I went home from school feeling rather lonely and defeated.
• I spent time on Tumblr hoping it would drive the feeling away.
• I decided I should watch a good picker-upper movie, so I watched Two Weeks Notice.
• I cried at a couple scenes and the OST from Counting Crows made me depressed at first but then it cheered me up as well.
• A kind hearted lady, which happens to be our boarder, brought home ice cream and cassava cake which helped a lot in cheering me up.
• Then, finally I stumbled upon this new song by Katy Perry called "Not Like The Movies." I like it but it's kind of making me a bit depressed again...